Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I think your dad took our porno
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
