i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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