OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
