fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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