Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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