did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
do herpes really smell.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
