I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
