Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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