I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
