Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
