I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
