I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
