You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
