We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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