You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
