I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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