i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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