Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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