i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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