Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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