smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
