Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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