It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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