Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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