after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
