found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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