I want to have your abortion
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I AM VODKA MAN
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I smell like Dick and happiness
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