smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
