so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
