That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
