if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
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