You smell like stripper and shame
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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