my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I need moral support for this bender
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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