hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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