I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
