stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Sober January is a disaster.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
