I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
