a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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