the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
