Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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