Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
