he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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