Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
