yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
