highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
