I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
