YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
