we have officially lost it.
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
