Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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