He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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