we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
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I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
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I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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