I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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