I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
