weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
