I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
why is half of my head shaved?
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