my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
