I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
