I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
this boner is exhausting
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Randomize