She went from zero to smokin in five shots
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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