we have pet lesbian snakes
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
