don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
