this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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