it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
