meet me or not, i'm out of control
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
