My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
