Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I think your dad took our porno
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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